TOTTENHAM HOTSPUR STADIUM — All that for a proposal. Despite going down on both knees, Tyson Fury was still left with an expensive rock in his pocket, Anthony Joshua’s ring finger raised but not yet offered.
Turki Alalshikh, the orchestrator of Saturday’s expensive gala between Fury and Arslanbek Makhmudov and boxing’s new wedding planner, affected performative disappointment when Joshua demurred in this confected episode of a Netflix boxing drama that, as sure as eggs are eggs, will conclude the sport’s longest courtship in the autumn.
His Excellency from Saudi Arabia fulfilled his part of the bargain, over-selling Fury’s latest comeback just because he can; the “sold out” banners proudly raised at English football’s finest arena. Though you can never be certain of any numbers or claims in this game, the stadium scene was suitably upholstered for the Gypsy King, layering a sporting coliseum with brazen, nightclub energy.
Oh for the days when fighters just walked to the ring. You’d think Fury had come straight from the moon on Artemis II. The tribute to the late Ricky Hatton was a nice touch, bouncing into the stadium in the tasseled blue of the Hitman’s beloved Manchester City, but the big Netflix production was wholly at odds with the calibre of this contest. The Rumble in the Jungle this was not.
At some point the occasion would pass from the script writers to the boxers, one of whom was making a fifth comeback and the other better known for fighting a bear. Makhmudov, a Dagestan exile living in Canada, did his job, assuming the posture of the beast and charging at Fury all night long with lumpen, wild swings.
There was something admirable in Makhmudov’s crude, come-forward honesty, arguably the most authentic feature of the contest, and save for a few haymakers, not remotely threatening to Fury. The night was never about this. It was simply a choreographed tease flagging the real business of the evening, putting Fury and Joshua in proximity of each other.
Joshua’s handsome chops filled the ringside screens at regular intervals, alongside a sprinkling of faces, including ex-footballers Gary Lineker and Micah Richards and Rolling Stones vet Ronnie Wood, whose grandson Leo is making his way in the amateurs as part of the Team GB Olympic set-up.
With Fury dancing around the target to take the “fight” past halfway, Turki suddenly rose to his feet as if signalling his champion to get on with it. Perhaps he actually believed Fury’s pre-fight bombast and wondered why the pledged knock out was not forthcoming.
Maybe Turki should have done away with this expensive charade and gone straight to the main event, putting Fury and Joshua together first up to protect against the reality that was unfolding before an audience becoming increasingly detached from the spectacle.
However Fury sells this fifth coming to himself, there was very little to promote the idea that he is a man in his prime capable of epic moments. A wide points victory over a limited, if enthusiastic, mauler made the case for stepping down not up.
The camaraderie shown at the end by both fighters had the feel of a pre-season football friendly in some far flung corner, a deal removed from the jeopardy of serious competition. Joshua played his part at ringside, the reluctant pose betraying the come-and-get-me messaging.
As a piece of scripted soap this was low-budget, day-time TV. Fury beckoned him into the ring. Joshua rolled his eyes. We were entering panto season at this point. Fury took the mic to challenge Joshua. Do you accept my challenge?
Joshua sat passively then responded in cartoon kind: “I punched you up when we were kids and I’ll punch you up again. You aren’t going to tell me what to do, I’ve been chasing you for 10 years. I’m the boss, you work for me. I’m the landlord. You work for me.”
Prepare for another six months of this before the curtain finally rises on a fight that only ever had meaning when both were credible champions. It will sell out, of course, because the human appetite for any kind of spectacle, the cruder the better, is a defining feature of the species.
